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February 03, 2005

across the great divide

As I watched you walk up the path to your car, good-bye, I realized that I was exhausted. We wear each other out sometimes.

I let the dog back in, closed and locked the door, turned off the outside light, turned off the lights in the living room, went upstairs, took off my clothes, put on a t-shirt, and got into bed. I remembered I still had my make-up on. Oh well. I stayed in bed, listening to the state of the union address with my eyes closed and letting dubya's voice--usually an irritant--lull me into unconsciousness. I was asleep by the time you called, 20 minutes later.

She and I were awake at 1:30 a.m. I felt her forehead: hot. "Do you need some medicine?" "Yes." Downstairs I poured a glass of Coke, drank some. Brought the rest upstairs, took her temperature. Gave her ibuprofen, cold medicine, the Coke. "I can't sleep," she said. "You can watch TV downstairs if you want to. Jack and Spike will go with you. Turn on the lights if you're scared." She got out of bed, didn't come back until 4:30.

When I came downstairs an hour later I listened to your message. I guess you'd called from your car. Your radio was on, and your voice seemed to come from a long way away. I couldn't make out anything you said; the music and static scrambled most of it. Turning it indecipherable.

But it had been a night where I couldn't even understand you when we were standing face to face, hadn't it? I want to ask but I don't ask. I want to know but I don't want to know. I want you but I don't want who you are. And so it goes.

Posted by JudyLa at 06:00 AM | Comments (0)