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February 07, 2005

but enough about you--

To a Young Reader, Part 2:

"The Other One reads your blog, you know," my husband said to me on Saturday afternoon (aren't coincidences amazing?). My first response was "Nuh uh." "Oh, come on," he said. "You mean you wouldn't read it if The Other One had a blog?"

You know, I think I would not.
Would I want to know about you? Not really.
Would I want to know what you think? Not really; anyway you and I are so much alike that I know what, and how, you think anyway.
Would I want to know about your life together. Shit no.

But you read mine, and now I am in a strange position of needing to explain myself about some things. So here's the deal:

1. I write my blog to keep from going out of my mind. I don't write it for an audience but there's something in me that likes an audience, and that's why I don't keep a journal that nobody could see. But mostly I write it for me, and I write it for him. I write what I write so I can remember what things felt like, even though most of the feelings have been ones I wish I'd never had to feel.

2. I don't make things up. I try very hard not to embellish. The things I say people said, they really said. I don't encourage conversations that I can quote from; that would be Cheating, and I don't cheat.

3. I write from my own perspective, about my own feelings (except for 2.) and my own crappy situation. I put plenty of mortifying information about myself in my entries, but I prefer not to mortify anybody else if I can help it. That means I don't set out to deliberately hurt other people. Partly this is because I kind of enjoy my position as The Innocent Wronged Party, and don't feel like jeopardizing it by being a jerk.

That said, I understand you read, and were upset by, the Cigarette Conversation entry.

I've got to tell you that 75% of me says "big fucking deal." On the other hand, as was pointed out to me on Saturday, in this case I might have used somebody else's words to put my own feelings out there. That's not such a bad thing, but the other person was my child, and that, while not such a bad thing, was not such a great thing either, and as much as I dislike being censored, or censoring myself, I think that I should not do that again.

On the other hand, now you know the lay of the land, so to speak. The natives are friendly if they have to be, but they've got teeth. Just like real people.

If I might make one suggestion as regards this, if you have a complaint about what I've written you need to talk to me, not to him; he can no more explain me to you than he can explain himself. Really, I'm serious. You know my e-mail address, you know my phone number--jesus, you know where I live, for heaven's sake, not that I think you'll show up at my door.

Posted by JudyLa at 06:00 AM | Comments (0)