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February 18, 2005

full fathom five

Listen, I talk to you all the time. Pleading my case, defending my position, apologizing, arguing. Yadda yadda yadda. Here. On the phone. In e-mails. In my head. Like a tape loop, running even when I can't hear it, or don't want to. Except last night when you called when I didn't expect you to, and you said "I think I'll come down and see her," and when I got home there you were and I could finally Shut Up for a while and just be.

"Daddy's snoring," she said, happy, coming to my bedroom in the middle of the night. There was no room for her in her bed. "He took my pillow." This morning I sat and watched you. It's kind of funny, the things you do forget after spending years getting used to them. How you don't like to sleep alone. How you take over the entire bed. How you don't fall into sleep--you dive into it, all the way to the bottom, where it's so dark you don't have to worry about being found. Unreachable at last.

I lay my hand on your face. Lean down and kiss you, sleeping beauty, oblivious. But not unreachable--no; here you are. I let you sleep. Nice to be quiet for a while.

Posted by JudyLa at 06:00 AM | Comments (0)