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February 21, 2005

oh, did I say that in my outside voice?

I can't stand to be in the same room with them. My shoulders ache. I come downstairs, sit down to write though I already know it will be pointless to try. I'm clenching my teeth. "Stop it!" "No, you stop it." Footsteps stomp across the kitchen floor. Chairs move. Cutlery against china. Her little-girl voice, raised to that sharp edge that drags across my auditory nerves. His my-voice-just-changed teenaged bellow. I think shut the fuck up.

I also think for about the one-billionth time since last week how much I hate my life. No, really. I hate it. I wonder all the time why I'm doing it, any of it. No answer comes to mind except that I get up in the morning and something, momentum I guess, carries me through until it's time to go back to bed. I never realized how well I could fake being a person. It's not even all that hard except, of course, when it is. Like right now.

Oh well. Whine and bitch, whine and bitch.

Posted by JudyLa at 06:00 AM | Comments (0)