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September 28, 2005

Diehard

It's official; we're in a drought. When Moo and I go down to the lake to bail out the sailboat we notice that it's laying half in water and half on mud. When was the last time it rained, really rained? We can't remember.

It's almost the end of September. I think about how I so looked forward to the change of seasons starting last fall and I wonder why, and then I realize it's because I hoped for something else to change along with the weather; I hoped for my life to change, hoped The Husband would change--even though, hello, he'd changed--hoped for things to go back, reverse, be what they were only better.

Instead what happened was that the seasons changed and The Husband stayed gone and things stayed the same, except not exactly. Because in spite of myself I changed, I changed. What happened was that it's a year later and things are different, but different in a way I hadn't anticipated: I stopped waiting. What a relief, to stop, when I thought I never would. To think Today, Tomorrow, Next Weekend, Next Month without also thinking If Only, Maybe, I Want, Suppose That, What If I... all right.

Posted by JudyLa at 06:00 AM | Comments (0)